What you don’t know about Communication.

What you don’t know about Communication.

I was 17 years old and at Finishing School in a class called The Conversation Tree. (That’s another story for another time). I was extremely shy and all ears but I learned one thing about poor communication that I have seen couples repeat over and over again. If you don’t believe me ask any Therapist.

People spend more time talking than LISTENING.
They pretend to listen while planning what next to say.
They are only patient waiting for a turn to speak.

If you are saying “that’s me” so am I. And to be fair, I would not be as motivated to change my listening habits, except that I learned that not listening is disrespectful. Besides, you can’t possible know and understand the other person if you haven’t heard them out. Listening tells the person you are tracking with them and that they matter.
Caring less about someone else’s concerns and ideas than what you want to say, exposes the state of your own ego.
Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change,
says “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

If you are ready to take listening to a new level, read on.
Listen mindfully from the heart.
  1. Plan to just listen. At a later time, tell the other person you have some ideas to share.
  2. Notice when you have tuned out, are missing valuable content and renew your focus.
  3. Listen from the other person’s perspective.
  4. Ask questions that show you are engaged and listening.
  5. Listen to words and meaning.
  6. Eliminate your judgment and opinion around a topic. Ask a question to clarify.
  7. Occasionally summarize, to be precise.
  8. Keep your body language friendly and open.
  9. Look into your S/O’s eyes when they are speaking.
  10. Seek only to understand.

Listening may be the shortest path to someone’s heart. So, retrain yourself to listen actively with a
sincere desire to know and understand your partner and their point of view. This kind of mindful
listening focuses only on what your S/O says and avoids distraction. It is the opposite of selective listening where the person waits for a turn to speak and neglects giving feedback.
Mindful or deep listening is a sure way to stimulate your personal growth, prevent quick, defensive responses and strengthen a connection. It tells the person on the receiving end that they are valuable.
It is a way of showing love and is the soul of healthy communication.
Whatever the content of your reply, beware of being a “fixer” or “know it all” who can’t resist the urge
to select the faults of an argument or person and correct them. Beware of falling into the trap of the
egoic need to be the one who is “always right.”

If you need more help let’s connect to understand your difficulty with