Setting and Keeping Boundaries

[vc_row full_width=”stretch_row_content” hide_bg_image_on_tablet=”” hide_bg_image_on_mobile=”” css=”.vc_custom_1645817349824{background-color: #dfb840 !important;}”][vc_column icons_position=”left”][vc_empty_space height=”70px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][vc_custom_heading text=”Setting and Keeping Boundaries” font_container=”tag:h2|text_align:center|color:%230a0a0a” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_empty_space height=”70px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column icons_position=”left”][vc_empty_space hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″ icons_position=”left”][vc_single_image image=”2072″ img_size=”full” style=”vc_box_shadow_3d” onclick=”zoom” css_animation=”fadeInRight”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″ icons_position=”left”][vc_custom_heading text=”Setting and Keeping Boundaries” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ use_theme_fonts=”yes” css_animation=”zoomIn”][vc_column_text css_animation=”rotateInUpLeft”]You know when something is wrong.
Are you excluded from the invite list? The last to hear from friends? Ignored by a group that you want to be part of?
Do people take advantage of your good nature? Do you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong? Do you apologize often? Do you lie about your true feelings to make others feel good?
Who disregards your words? Do you feel angry, frustrated and helpless? How do you express anger?
Do you wish your partner would help out more? Share the difficult tasks? Listen when you speak? See your hurt?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column icons_position=”left”][vc_empty_space height=”50px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″ icons_position=”left”][vc_column_text css_animation=”bounceInRight”]Do you find yourself making the same pleas to your children with no change? Hoping for a different relationship and helpless to make a change?

Is your home cluttered, chaotic and inconsistent? Are you often overwhelmed and lost? Are you frequently in a race with time?
Do you try to do it all? Do you have priorities?
Is there a voice inside your head that screams, “I can’t take this anymore.”
What are Healthy Boundaries?
Boundaries define who you are and who you are not. Essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle and happiness, they are limitations, rules or guidelines based upon your values, wants and goals.
Boundaries are a personal property line that marks those things for which you are responsible.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″ icons_position=”left”][vc_single_image image=”2032″ img_size=”full” style=”vc_box_shadow_3d” onclick=”zoom” css_animation=”fadeInLeft”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column icons_position=”left”][vc_empty_space height=”50px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][vc_empty_space height=”50px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][vc_empty_space height=”50px” hide_on_desktop=”” hide_on_notebook=”” hide_on_tablet=”” hide_on_mobile=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column icons_position=”left”][vc_column_text css_animation=”rotateInUpLeft” el_class=”TEXT-2″]Tangible and intangible boundaries

There are natural and man-made physical boundaries that tell you something about the structure and prevents violation.  A mountain range ends in a valley. Both offer a different kind of beauty and serve a different purpose. There is a beginning and end to the ocean. An animal will establish its borders by sniffing a perimeter. The human body is contained by layers of epidermis that contain and protect the organs. The Great Wall, the fence in a yard, a sign that says “keep out” are all physical boundaries, meant to secure a space and protect its inhabitants from harm. Boundaries protect, conserve and preserve.

Other boundaries are intangible. They may be spiritual or emotional but, when violated or ignored, they create as much chaos in our lives and others, as the violation of physical boundaries.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Read further if you are ready to set boundaries” font_container=”tag:h5|text_align:center|color:%23000000″ use_theme_fonts=”yes” css_animation=”zoomIn”][vc_column_text css_animation=”rotateInUpLeft” el_class=”TEXT-2″]Why did you become boundaryless.
There are a variety of reasons why your innate sense of limits have been blunted. There are reasons why you don’t hear “No” or you  don’t say “No” to others.  Here are some of the places to look.

  1. A) Nurture Experiences.  Between age one to three, children are learning about the world and specifically about their physical and emotional safety. In these early years the teachers are the significant caregivers. Mom and Dad or mostly Mom.  The caregiver is also working from their own nurture experience, their goals of parenting and this can result in failure or success in making the child secure while encouraging him to explore in safety and healthy separation.
    Consider the effect on a child when the significant parent becomes angry or withdraws when the child says “No.” The child learns to be compliant to avoid wrath or hurting his parent

Sometimes a parent sets rigid limits (overcontrols), has no limits or is inconsistent.  The child grows up to mimic these behaviours and create chaos in their own relationships.

  1. B) Adult Trauma. Abuse of any kind, unresolved and ungrieved losses, addiction and growing up in a home where there is substance abuse are a few sources of  adult trauma. These and the experience of events that fall well out of the range of what is reasonable and expected can leave an individual walking through life with the belief, “The  world is not safe, I have no control.” With beliefs such as this you feel defeated or lash out angrily to conquer and gain control.
  2. C) Unmanaged Personality and Character Traits. Boundarylessness is evident with personality disordered individuals.  Was it the lack of boundaries that caused the personality disorder or the other way around? To heal or manage these, you will have to learn healthy boundaries.

The ingrained beliefs of boundarylessness.
I am selfish (or bad) to put my needs above others. I must please or give at all costs.
If I am not aggressive, my needs will be ignored.
If I don’t do what someone wants, they will be angry with me, yell or make a scene.
Others are out to get me. I must withdraw or attack.
I will hurt someone. Others want to hurt me.
To set boundaries, you must be ready to communicate clearly, caringly and consistently.
Your personal limits must be expressed as words, tone of voice, demonstrated as consequences, displayed by appropriate emotion and sometimes reinforced with physical distance.
If limits are not communicated, supported and enforced, you can imagine all kinds of problems like trespassing, honest and dishonest misunderstandings, disrespect of individual needs and preferences, entitlement and bullying. To name a few.
Healthy boundaries will resonate with you. They will have a ring of freedom with the benefit of safety.
Develop and expand your Charter of Rights.

  1. I can explore my preferences and still be loved
  2. I can say no without losing your love.
  3. I can love you and disagree with you.
  4. I can determine my level of health, education, and fitness.
  5. I can choose my friends.
  6. I can be myself.

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If you have more questions book some time to discuss.

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